We know we do things to annoy you. We know it happens every day, all the time. Sometimes on purpose, sometimes on accident (but when we realize it’s annoying, we don’t stop). Yes – it’s like having another toddler in the house. But it’s just so addicting we can’t help ourselves. Here’s a quick rundown of some of the main offenders, you can let me know what I missed:
1. We leave our shaved hair all over the bathroom.
Guilty. It happened today, in fact. What’s more – I’m most definitely one of the worst at this. I have a full beard that I trim on an almost-daily basis. I cut my own hair once-a-week in an idiosyncratic fashion. My hair gets – EVERYWHERE. Then, for some reason, I have to clean out the clippers in the bathroom sink. Brush off all my hair. Then shower.
I honestly don’t have a good explanation for why we don’t clean it up so well. Sometimes we’re in a rush, sometimes it’s early in the morning and we miss the detail work – there’s always something. Just know that we don’t leave it purposely for you. Stuff comes up.
2. We make a joke out of: EV-ER-Y-THING. Literally. Everything.
This issue came front-and-center recently when I had a few days off in a row for some good ol’ family time with Ashley and the kids. She was excited to have some real, grown-up conversations to discuss important things and stuff. I, on the other hand, was more interested in “just having fun” (which is inevitably a BAD IDEA when spending your time with someone who gets plenty of fun with three rambunctious toddlers 24/7 and honestly just wants the fun to stop. For five seconds. Please. Just STOP). The short explanation is that we will always be children at heart, and the serious stuff just isn’t as serious to us. Especially when we’re not at work, or talking to extended family, or putting on a show for your friends. We have all this bottled up silliness that has to come out. And, face it – you’re the one we want to be silly with.
3. We always get lost even though we “Know where we’re going” and refuse to use GPS.
Okay. This is an age-old complaint from every wife ever. Why do we still have this problem? You’d think we’d learn? Well – we can’t. It’s gotta be some concoction of pride + confidence + stupidity that always makes us think we know exactly where we’re going. And, even if we don’t, some landmark will pop up soon that will show you and everybody else that we don’t need stupid GPS just to get home from this restaurant downtown that we’ve never been to before.
4. We take our phone to the bathroom. And stay there.
You have no reason to complain about this. Honestly – you have the same opportunity, you just choose not to take advantage of it. Be in there all day for all we care. And, I can’t think of a single time I was in there any longer than I needed to be. It just takes some time for things to… run their course. I just so happen to have my phone. That’s it.
5. You ask us how you look and we say “You look fine” … Without really looking at you.
We get that’s it’s the principle of the thing, and yes – we should probably do a better job. But, seriously! You’re an adult and so are we. You can look in the mirror just like we can. Why do you need someone who sees you every day (and, who honestly wouldn’t notice if something was off) to validate your appearance? You’re better off FaceTimeing your mom.