Sooooo… It’s probably 8am by now. Sissy (Olivia, 3) is rolling around on me in her princess Elsa dress crying that she wants to watch somepin on my phone she wants to watch somepin on my phone; Ava is writhing in pain because she wants her ba ba (which I can’t find); Landon is screaming because he can’t seem to get his Batman costume turned right-side-out; and, my coffee is cold on the counter. I was at work late so I obviously only got about 3 hours of sleep (still more than Ashley probably). Meanwhile, I know at least one counterpart of mine is fast asleep with beer in his belly from the night before, because his wife and kids “know” not to wake Daddy.
While part of me wants to splash a nice cold bucket of Real Life Parenting on him, I also feel sorry for him and all those other “old-school” Dads who feel entitled to a Mad Men life where parenting is a side job and their sole purpose is to be the breadwinner. They will miss these little moments at 8 o’clock in the morning where their daughters learn to play dress up. They will miss their sons playing Batman battles. These are the same men that, as the kids grow older, will be missing birthday parties. Sporting events. They won’t be having any sort of cohesive sex talks and they won’t be delving into their kids’ homework.
Okay. Rant over. Let’s see a list of really freakin’ annoying things that are the hallmarks of a Lazy Dad:
I know you’ve seen it. Whether it be a text or a post – when they are solely responsible for the children, they refer to it as “babysitting”. And, even if they read this, they probably don’t know why that’s a problem 🙄
2. A conversation about video games lasts longer than 5 minutes
Yes. I love video games. Just ask Ashley. I’ve always been the type that would be happy to lock myself in a bomb shelter with a bunch of games and snacks and I would be happy as a clam. But, honestly – now I’m a parent. And so are you. Yes, I had a stint where I played Fallout for about an hour every night after the kids went to bed. Yes, when Madden came out I played a game a day for about two weeks. But, when you’re a fellow dad and you start talking about the 100+ hours you put into Fallout or how you’re on season three in Madden – you lost me. I don’t even want to know how much time you’ve missed with your kids and wife (or baby-mama).
3. The ratio of sports:kids on their Facebook is 10:1
This one’s real simple folks: if you have your banner and/or profile pics as these happy little scenes of you and your wife & kids like you’re the perfect little Brady Bunch, but scrolling through your feed is nothing but what football and hockey games you attended or are staying up late to watch – you’re not doing it right. 🙃
4. They miss 90% of family functions
Does this happen with every family? There’s always that one dude that thinks he’s too manly to go to Christmas parties or the niece’s birthday. Somehow, he and his son are always at the batting cages. Or camping. Or bowling. Get outta here 🙄
5. In public play areas their kids are little A-holes
Okay, so I will admit that my kids are a little more wild when the Sheriff’s not in town (aka: Mommy). But, they aren’t jerks to other kids. And, if they are, I always step in. That’s my job. Especially in a public place. When your kids are toddlers, this is not a place to text or play games on our phone. No – you still have to be on full alert; be a fully-engaged parent. It is prime time to teach them how to behave in public and how to treat their peers. Don’t let them grow up to be little a-holes just because you need a little game time on your phone.
Some more food for thought: check out this article that I found to be interesting. Also a good read for new Dads to help put you in Mommy’ shoes for a minute before you start down that dark path to being a Lazy Dad….